Is Your Communication Style Holding You Back?

Is Your Communication Style Outdated? Here’s How to Upgrade It.

I saw an old, beat-up payphone the other day, rusted, disconnected, forgotten. It used to be cutting-edge. Remember making collect calls? These phones were essential. But now? Outdated and ineffective.

And it got me thinking…

How many of us are still relying on outdated communication habits?

They technically “work.” You can get by with them. But they’re not helping you lead, connect, or influence the way you could. Just like the payphone, these habits once served a purpose, but today, they’re holding you back.

As a leadership coach and speaker, I’ve worked with thousands of professionals, from advisors to executives, and I see it every day: talented, passionate people stuck in communication patterns that no longer serve them or their teams.

Outdated Communication Habits (That Might Be Yours)

Let’s do a quick audit. Do any of these sound familiar?

 ✅ You interrupt often during conversations.
✅ You check your phone mid-meeting or while someone’s talking.
✅ You ask yes/no or closed-ended questions.
✅ You feel the need to always be right.
✅ You talk over or down to others, sometimes without realizing it.
✅ You listen… but mostly just to reply, not to understand.
✅ You avoid hard conversations and let things fester.
✅ You assume instead of asking.
✅ You use sarcasm as a shield or a weapon.
✅ You don’t tailor your communication to the person you’re speaking with.

Each one might seem small. Harmless. But stacked together, these habits create distance between you and the people you're trying to lead.

And the consequences?

• Trust erodes.
• Engagement dips.
• Team dynamics suffer.
• Your influence fades.
  
  

The good news? You can absolutely upgrade your communication. No software updates or service plans required. Just a commitment to personal growth and intentional connection.

Here’s how.

Your Leadership Communication Upgrade Plan

1. Self-Awareness: Audit Your Communication Habits

Every upgrade starts with a diagnosis. You can’t fix what you won’t face.

Be brutally honest:

• How do people experience you in conversations?
• Are you approachable…or intimidating?
• Do people feel heard…or managed?

Start by asking for feedback. Ask your team, peers, or partner:

“What’s one thing I could do to be a better communicator?”
Then pause. Listen. And don’t defend yourself.

Awareness is the first unlock.

2. Active Listening: Seek to Understand, Not Just Respond

Most people don’t actually listen. They wait for their turn to speak. They formulate their response while you’re still talking. They miss the nuance, the emotion, the unspoken truth.

Real leaders listen to understand.

That means:

• Eye contact.
• Nodding or affirming gestures.
• Minimal interruptions.
• Reflecting back what you heard:

“So what I’m hearing is…Does that sound right?”

Active listening builds trust faster than polished presentations ever could.

3. Ask Better Questions: Curiosity Builds Connection

Closed questions kill conversation.

“Are you doing okay?” — Easy to dismiss.
“What’s been weighing on you lately?” — That invites vulnerability.

Great communicators ask open-ended, thoughtful, and curious questions. They lead with:

• “Tell me more about…”
• “What’s behind that decision?”
• “How did that make you feel?”
• “What’s your biggest challenge right now?”

When you ask better questions, people feel seen, not just managed.

4. Check Your Tone and Body Language: It’s 93% of Communication

Research shows that only 7% of communication is verbal.

The other 93%? It’s how you say it.

• Your tone.
• Your posture.
• Your facial expression.
• Your energy.

You might say you’re open to feedback, but if your arms are crossed and your voice is sharp… your team won’t buy it.

Record yourself in meetings. Watch your face during Zoom calls. Ask someone to observe your presence in a 1-on-1.

Then ask yourself:

“Is my body language reinforcing or resisting what I want to communicate?”

5. Lead with Empathy: Clarity + Connection = Influence

Empathy isn’t weakness. It’s your superpower as a leader.

It means tuning into someone else’s experience before rushing to fix, instruct, or evaluate. It means holding space for someone’s emotion, even if it’s inconvenient.

Before you respond, ask yourself:

• “What might they be feeling right now?”
• “What’s underneath what they’re saying?”
• “What would I need if I were in their shoes?”
  
  

Empathy fuels emotional safety. Emotional safety fuels high performance.

6. Practice Presence: Be Where Your Feet Are

Here’s a hard truth: You can’t multitask trust.

You can’t scroll your phone and listen deeply.
You can’t check your watch and convey care.
You can’t mentally rehearse your reply and notice someone’s pain.

Presence is the currency of connection.

That means:

• Put the phone away during meetings.
• Shut your laptop when someone walks in.
• Turn off notifications during 1-on-1s.
• Schedule “deep listening” blocks into your calendar.

People can tell when you’re truly with them. And it changes everything.

Why This Matters More Than Ever

In today’s world, communication is the leadership differentiator. Not your title. Not your resume.
Your ability to connect, empathize, and inspire through conversation.

You can keep communicating the way you always have, like that dusty old payphone.
But imagine how much more effective, trusted, and influential you could be…if you upgraded.

Ready to Keep Growing?

If this hit home, you’re not alone.

We’re all on the journey of becoming better communicators, at home, at work, and in our communities. That’s why we created the Speak with People Podcast, to equip leaders like you to communicate with impact, not indifference.

Subscribe today or check out:  www.speakwithpeople.com/podcast.

We release weekly episodes packed with practical insights, guest experts, and real talk to help you lead better conversations.

Final Thought

Leadership isn’t about saying more. It’s about saying what matters, in a way people can actually hear.

So here’s your challenge: Audit. Adjust. And upgrade how you connect.

Because your voice has the power to build trust, change culture, and shape someone’s future.

Don’t let it go to waste.

By Jason Raitz - CEO, Speak with People  With over 25 years of experience, Jason has spoken from stages across the country, inspiring and motivating his audiences with stories, laughter, and practical tools to succeed. Book Jason for your next conference or workshop.