Are You Speaking WITH or AT Your Clients?

Most advisors don’t lose trust because they give bad advice. They lose trust because they speak at their clients instead of with them.

Think about it. No client has ever said, “I left my advisor because they didn’t beat the market every quarter.” But plenty have left because they felt unheard, misunderstood, or like just another number in the book of business.

We often take the way we communicate for granted, because we do it all day long. And some of us have been doing it the same way for years. But communication is like breathing: we ignore it until something feels off. When we’re sick and our chest tightens, suddenly every breath matters.

Don’t let your client communication get to that point. Don’t wait until trust is lost or referrals dry up to realize something’s wrong.

Take the time now to spot the areas where you may be speaking at your clients without even realizing it.

What Unhealthy Client Communication Looks Like

Infrequent. Rushed. Interrupted. Scripted. Jargon-heavy. Impersonal. Cold. One-sided.

Any of those feel familiar? Be honest. That’s not communication. That’s speaking at someone. It’s ineffective. It’s toxic. And every time you do it, you add another brick to the wall between you and your client.

Did you know the Great Wall of China is over 13,000 miles long, 30 feet wide, and more than 2,000 years old? It can be seen from space. It’s massive. It’s unforgettable.

But every time you speak at your client, you may be building a wall that’s even more impenetrable, one conversation at a time. And unlike the Great Wall, the one between you and your client doesn’t inspire awe. It pushes them away.

10 Unhealthy Client Communication Behaviors

Here are 10 of the most common ways advisors unknowingly sabotage trust and stall referrals, along with what to do instead.

1. You Ask Transactional or Boring Questions

You default to checklist-style, compliance-driven questions and miss opportunities to understand the full story.

Instead: Move beyond the numbers. Ask “Why does this matter to you?” or “What does success look like for your family?”

2. You Dominate the Conversation

You talk more than you listen, often interrupting or assuming you already know. Clients smile politely, but inside, they feel unheard.

Instead: Aim for a 70/30 balance, your client should talk at least 70% of the time. Practice intentional pauses and follow-up questions.

3. You Use the Same Script for Every Client

Your one-size-fits-all approach might be efficient, but it isn’t effective.

Instead: Adapt. A 65-year-old couple and a 32-year-old entrepreneur have different concerns and communication styles. Show that you see them.

4. You Rush the Relationship

When you treat meetings like to-do items, you communicate, “You’re just another appointment.”

Instead: Slow down. Put your phone away. Make every meeting a trust-building opportunity.

5. You Ignore Emotional Cues

Numbers matter, but emotions drive decisions. Skip over them, and you miss the heart of the conversation.

Instead: When a client shares grief, fear, or excitement, pause. Acknowledge it. Sometimes empathy matters more than strategy.

6. You Speak in Jargon and Acronyms

You assume clients know more than they do. They nod along, but inside, they’re lost.

Instead: Ditch the jargon. Use plain, human language. Educate without condescending. Clarity builds confidence

7. You Forget or Disregard Client Stories

Every client has a story. If you forget it or never ask, you communicate that their story doesn’t matter.

Instead: Keep notes on personal milestones. Celebrate wins. Ask about life, not just money.

8. You Wait to Communicate

If you only reach out when you need something, you’re training clients to associate your calls with tasks, not trust.

Instead: Proactively check in. A quick text, “How was your daughter’s graduation?” means more than a quarterly review.

9. You Use Negative, Controlling, or Sharp Language

Fear and pressure might get quick compliance, but they don’t build loyalty.

Instead: Replace pressure with perspective. Show possibilities, not threats. Confidence replaces compliance.

10. You’re All Business, No Warmth

Trust isn’t just intellectual, it’s emotional. Clients want to know you’re human.

Instead: Smile. Celebrate wins. Laugh together. Show warmth. Clients don’t just want expertise, they want relationship.

Time for a Gut Check

Alright, are you ready to get really honest? Now it’s time to turn the spotlight inward and take inventory.

This isn’t about shame or perfection. It’s about awareness. Because you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge, and you can’t grow without first knowing where you stand.

👉 Take the free With or At? Assessment today and discover where your communication habits are helping you and where they’re holding you back.
Take the Assessment Here

This tool is designed to help financial advisors and client-facing professionals uncover unhealthy communication habits that silently erode trust, limit referrals, and stall growth. By identifying your blind spots, you’ll unlock the path to stronger relationships and a more referable, client-centered business.

Don’t Miss the Launch: The Client Communication Playbook

If these unhealthy behaviors hit a little too close to home, there’s good news: you can change.

On September 2, I’m releasing The Client Communication Playbook, a comprehensive workbook and training system designed to help advisors leave behind average communication and excel at exceptional communication that drives referrals and long-term growth.

This workbook is packed with frameworks, scripts, and tools you can use immediately to transform your client conversations. And when you do, you’ll face a new kind of “problem”, so many referrals and so much trust that your only question is, “How do I care for all of these clients?”

🎉 Join me for the live launch webinar on September 2 at 11:00 AM ET
👉 All the details are here → www.speakwithpeople.com/clientplaybook

Final Word

Every client conversation is an opportunity. You can either add bricks to the wall that keeps you apart, or you can tear down walls and build bridges of trust, loyalty, and referrals.

The choice is yours: Will you speak with your clients, or at them?

By Jason Raitz - CEO, Speak with People  With over 25 years of experience, Jason has spoken from stages across the country, inspiring and motivating his audiences with stories, laughter, and practical tools to succeed. Book Jason for your next conference or workshop.