Why is hard so hard?

lead with people speak with people Oct 14, 2022

If you pursue healthy communication in your life, you can count on the fact that you will have to, at some point, have hard conversations. Hard conversations are the kind that keep you up at night. The kind that adds Mr. Anxiety to your life. The kind that gives you fuel to avoid the person you need to talk to. Have you ever been there? You’re walking down the aisle at Walmart and you do a serious u-turn to avoid seeing someone that you’re putting off a hard conversation with. They are hard because they add different levels of stress to our lives. 

I know you know that. I know I know that. But, for the majority of people, we would rather stay in a world where hard conversations didn’t exist. Bosses hope that their employees will magically figure out how to improve without the hard conversation. Employees hope that their boss will maybe learn through osmosis what their bad habits are that lead to an unhealthy work environment. Parents hope if they just love their kids more and ignore the bad behavior, they won’t have to sit their kids down and have the hard talk. The list goes on and on. 

The reality is, hard conversations are a part of life. And, if we ignore them, they will follow us and just won’t go away. We can try. Sure. But, in the end, there is a better way than ignoring or running away from them. The better and healthier way is to have the hard conversation. Now, before you go guns blazing, here’s a quick list to work through to make sure you’re ready for the hard conversation.

  1. Slow down and think through what you feel you need to say to them. Don’t react but process through the situation. 
  2. Think through what you want to say. Type it out. Read it over. 
  3. Ask for a time to sit down and when you ask, don’t create an awkward moment by saying you just have things to talk about. Be honest. Let them know you have some hard things you need to talk about. 
  4. When you speak, look them in the eyes and speak with grace. 
  5. Be open to their reactions and what they think. 

Even though the conversation may be hard, you can do it. Ultimately, when you speak with them and not at them, you will convey your heart and that conversation will spark healing. Now, the healing may not start immediately, but give it time. You won’t regret having the hard conversation.